KILLER NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

The following New Year's Resolutions are to kill for. Every adult reading this blog must take to heart my message as it is from my heart. Our lives are short so we must have desert first but don't get carried away or you will be carried away. Undertakers just love business and it is our duty to stay alive all of our lives.

KILLER RESOLUTION 1. I don't know how to say it! This killer activity precludes all the rest. I will give you the benefits of not smoking: food will taste better. Your self-esteem will rise to new highs. Your slavery to big tobacco and the lies  they perpetuate will come to a screeching halt Everything about your life will have a new and wonderful meaning. Sure you may gain weight and sure you will have time to shed your gains. Your lungs will become pink and you may live forever. Enough said... You can if you think you can...Dr. Peale..

KILLER RESOLUTION 2. Lose some weight! I am not modest however a week doesn't go by when folks tell me how good I look. I have fun by asking people 'How old am I?" The other day a guy said "57?" I revealed by 73 years and his response was 'No way." But you know what? I work at it. I weigh myself every morning and monitor my weight daily. I works. From 216 FATSO I have sustained a nice weight. I shave every morning and brush my teeth...Ha Ha Ha. You are what you eat. Obesity can be ugly. I don't starve myself. Sure I like Frito Lay.

KILLER RESOLUTION 3. Quit drinking alcohol. I did in 1985 and eliminated some of my life's problems. I pride myself in this abstinence for I have learned the virtues of the good life. As Son Benjamin says "These are your signatures, Dad." It is personal, and yes, I take my daily share of drugs.

KILLER REOLUTION 4.Please drive safely. People on the highway ae "nuts" in their driving habits. I want to get there in one piece. Winter driving is bad enough as it is. Accidents can happen so adopt a lighter foot on the highway. and look out for the cops. Right Mike Lee?

The average age of life in the USA at death is 78. What are you doing to live offensively? I practice what I preach.. October 7, 1968, is when I had my last puff of a cigarette...at 55 cents a pack. I am a rich man today. Are you? There's no moderation in smoking... either you do or you don't!

"KILL OR BE KILLED..."  That's what the old Marine once told me....